After the Divorce: Healing and Happiness as Life Goes On
The May 2012 Sacred Separations Workshop
Do you know a woman who is in the process of separating or has recently divorced? Most of us who have gone through that experience know that we need all the support and care we can get while we work to understand what has happened and begin to create a new vision for our futures. Friends and family can help, but sometimes you need the guidance of one who has been there. On Friday, May 11, 2012, in downtown Asheville, NC, I will be offering a workshop for women seeking to move more gracefully through divorce. Limited to only ten participants, this small-group gathering will allow participants to feel safe in sharing their experiences. Using meditative techniques,...
Read MoreImpermanence … damn it.
This month I had the joy of leading a courageous group of women through a retreat on facing change. Working alongside the luminous Barrie Barton, who is graceful in every meaning of that word, I guided the participants through a series of meditations. To set the stage at the beginning of the weekend, I read from one of my favorite books, Pema Chödrön’s The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. The author writes about the Buddhist concept of impermanence, “When I first heard this teaching it seemed academic and remote. But when I was encouraged to pay attention–to be curious about what was happening with my body and my...
Read MoreWednesday Wisdom: Surrender
“In order to be healed, I need a desire to let go, to get on with my life, rather than cling to the pain and memory of my old wounds. Some see surrender as a negative because, for them, it implies a patriarchal approach to God, a giving in to a “higher power.” I do not envision it this way. … My surrender does not seem passive to me. Rather, it feels like a strong trust in a loving One whose wisdom stretches far beyond mine.” ~ Joyce Rupp, Dear Heart, Come Home As I have dared to venture into the comment sections of various divorce websites, I find myself cringing at the pain and anger and resentments I read there. The disappointment jumps off the...
Read MoreThank you, Laurel!
This month, I’m delighted to be featured in the beautiful magazine, The Laurel of Asheville. If you are in the Asheville area, I will be selling my books and greeting old and new friends this Saturday at the Asheville Wholistic & Integrative Fair. Stop by to say hi. I’d love to meet you
Read MoreWednesday Wisdom: Moon Visions
Barn burned down. Now I can see the moon. ~Basho Last night the luminous February full moon rose into the clear cool sky. I couldn’t see her when I first left my house to drive downtown, but as I moved out of my neighborhood onto a bridge across the river, there she was, large and bright, hovering just above the city-scape. Later in the evening when I went out onto my back deck to bid the moon goodnight, the empty branches from my huge willow oak criss-crossed her glowing face. Had it been the middle of summer, the oak’s full leaves would have blocked my view. My vision of last night’s amazing moon depended first on me leaving my cozy home and...
Read MoreMonday Matters: Smooth Sailing on the Teen-Parent Boat. Or Not!
My son, now 13 and an 8th grader, has more or less sailed through middle school. He’s done well academically, discovered new interests artistically, devoted himself to Tae Kwon Do, learned to play the cello, volunteered for local nonprofits and taken jobs to make money to buy the gadgets he so loves. All of this is, of course, a huge relief to me. Which is not to say that parenting a middle schooler is always smooth sailing. Like every other stage of parenting, it’s been mostly trial and error. Some days I feel like a poster-mom for the Epic Fail blog. And then I need to go over the list above and remind myself that he’s a really good kid. Smart-alecky,...
Read MoreWednesday Wisdom – Poet David Whyte
The Journey Above the mountains the geese turn into the light again painting their black silhouettes on an open sky. Sometimes everything has to be enscribed across the heavens so you can find the one line already written inside you. Sometimes it takes a great sky to find that first, bright and indescribable wedge of freedom in your own heart. Sometimes with the bones of the black sticks left when the fire has gone out someone has written something new in the ashes of your life. You are not leaving you are arriving. ~David...
Read MoreWednesday Wisdom: A Buddhist Perspective on Change
“A fresh attitude starts to happen when we look to see that yesterday was yesterday, and now it is gone; today is today and now it is new. It is like that–every hour, every minute is changing.” Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche This quote heads chapter three in Pema Chödön’s book, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. (Shambhala Publications, 2001) Chödön is an American Buddhist nun. I clung to her best-selling book When Things Fall Apart the year after my own life fell apart. In the chapter following the quote above, she writes: “Life does continually go up and down. People and situations are unpredictable and so is everything else....
Read MoreMonday Matters: Divorce Memoirs-Do you have a favorite?
Books about divorce have created a whole new genre of literature, it seems. I plan to review some of them here from time to time and wanted to start with one of my favorites: Stacy Morrison’s Falling Apart in One Piece: One Optimist’s Journey Through the Hell of Divorce. Morrison had recently given birth and bought a house and was in the running for her dream job as Editor in Chief of Redbook Magazine when her husband announced one night that he was done. She got the job and lost the husband. Her memoir tells the story of the two years after the night that she heard the fatal news and how she coped and didn’t cope. She writes with poignant vulnerability, honest...
Read MoreRearview Mirrors
Recently a friend posted this on her facebook status: “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” I “liked” it, thinking it was a good sentiment, but hardly a controversial one. Another friend protested, however, that self-examination is essential. Yes, hard to argue with that either. The key phrase for me was “keep re-reading”. At what point does self-examination get us stuck? I’m sure we’ve all met people who remained bitter about a betrayal for years on end. And yes, if our parents did not meet some basic needs in our childhood or violated us in some way, it takes a great...
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